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| 09:23am 15/10/2004 |
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music: against all authority- killing the truth
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jail rehab escaping being homeless o my what a fucking crazy ass month thats all i have to say at this point i just thought you all might want to know |
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| 12:34am 09/08/2004 |
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mood:  grateful music: morning glory- return tha bomb
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thanks to my lovely new friend crystal i am finally truly happy with my life she is a great fucking friend and all the greatest friends i have have walked into my life unexpectedly and have been people i would have thought not to be such good friends like chuck and edith crystal was one person i would have never of thought to be damn good friends with i am no longer lonely the only way me and her would be closer is if we were to hook up and start dating but that wont happen atleast not any time soon but thanks to nick and ashley i wouldhave never of became friends with her nick cuz i met her through him and ashley cuz she stopped being my friend so i didnt feel guilty hanging out with the person that caused her relationship ending for a short peroid of time but the 2 people that are the cause of me being friends with her i dont hang out with and one (nick) i know fucking hateso i lost 1 friend and 1 what i thought was a great friend but in return i gained one unbelievably great fucking friend who means more to me than anyone else in this fucking world i now have someone to chill with everday no matter what and to share all my problems with who will not only just listen but also try her hardest to help me in every way possible i fucking love her she exactly like me with minor differences its awesome i have now 3 awesome ass friends that are exactly like me but only 2 that i hang out with but dont worry one day edith me and you will chill just as much as i chill with chuck and crystal that day will come and we will own it thanks to you three even though only one will read this and goodnight |
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| 02:10pm 10/05/2004 |
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music: morning glory- gimme heroin
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life is really fucking boring sober i fucking hate but im determined to quit for 2 reasons 1) to spite everyone who has ever doubted me and 2) i have too much going for me to fuck it up and maybe i can even gain some fucking weight so i dont look so fucking pale and skinny like a fucking addict things are already looking up though today i really wanted to skip school but i forced myself to go without leaving once besides for lunch and i actually did some hw today thats fucking amazing but i only have like 3 more weeks left so i have to stick it out then im done |
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| 05:58pm 09/05/2004 |
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life is too fucking weird for me now i cant even begin to explain it it is almost like the last few months have been a dream a really fucked up nasty ass dream but last night i got to some thinking and had a revalation so to say if i keep going at things the way i have been recently im going right down the fucking gutter so im actually going to have ambition to do things now and im going to get my life back on track it and i figured out where it all fell apart when my parents got divorced i was fine up to that point but then started to stop giving a fuck bout shit not like little shit but pretty much everything i had the whole philosophy of what happens happens i dont give a damn im just going to have fun well fun is fine but i wish i could go back to i dont even remember what grade it was and have just never of done drugs they fucked me up way to badly im just gonna stick to chain smoking and maybe in a couple months ill even stop that too hell maybe ill even start taking the five different medications ive been supposed to be taking for over 3 years now and just never did |
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| 10:45pm 03/05/2004 |
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IM AN ASSHOLE WOOOOOO i love being an asshole with a speech impediment its great cuz i can mumble shit that no one understands and can piss people off i fucking love it and im going to making a shit load of money in the next couple weeks thatll be great and on the fucking 25th of june im leaving for nyc thatll be fucking great and on the 16th of june i will be seeing loc and morning glory WOOOO i love it and ive gotten rid of all the assholes and users in my life thats fucking wonderful so ive been having a peaceful life lately theres only one thing i have to accomplish but i wont tell you people that cuz it deals with my past which its about time i take care of it so im going to take care of it right now so later |
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| 02:29pm 26/04/2004 |
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well im sitting here while i should be cleaning my room cuz my mom has been up my ass about it but i probably wont and in about 2 and 1 half hour im heading down to eastpointe getting chuck and headin downtown for against me! which will be the second time ill see them this year and tomorrow i dont have to be to school untill 11:30 so that kicks ass other than that spent the weekend in ohio it had its highs and lows but overall it was pretty good lets see what else ok nothing else to add later |
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| 09:50pm 20/04/2004 |
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lately shit has been going to hell for me and many people have been pissing me off so i called someone i truly care about tonight and had a really nice conversation the best ive had with someone in a long time we talked for almost 2 hours about nothing really except in the first few minutes we talked about the shit bothering me and i came to the conclusion that i care about people way too much and that ive been blocking out the thing that means to most to me right nowthank you soo much susan for helping realize a ton of things tonight and for just cheering me up i cant explain how much you helped |
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| 10:33am 05/04/2004 |
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i should be at school right now but im too damn lazy to go to school today so im chilling at home man this past week was fucking crazy got so fucked up early on last week i forgot what day it was but that day i also found out that my moms friend died so that sucked went to her funeral on thursday but went to royal oak several times this week and i kept forgeting to go to the cats meow and pick something up god damn it ill remember one time but on the way back from there one time my car started to shake really badly well the fucking front passenger strut mount was destroyed making the wheel not stay straight so took it in to be fixed cuz i didnt want to take the time or effort to do it myself but my mom told the dudes the back was fucked up so they fixed that and then realized that the back was fine and the front was fucked up but now i have all new shock and struts so nice smooth ride but i got my car later than i was supposed to so i missed texas hold em night i was pissed but im just ramboling now so im gonna put this to an end and say later |
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| 06:55pm 25/03/2004 |
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ok i walked outside this morning and it was fucking nice as hell out o man i didnt even wear my leather but thats not the point the point is the niceness of today got me thinking summer is almost here we only got what like 3 months before school lets out i think its june 11th this year not too sure though but with summer comes my trip to nyc so i need to stop slacking off and get in touch with people namely edith (dont worry edith i know youre fucking going crazy bout school so ill wait till shit calms down with that) but i seriously need to figure out who the hell is going for sure how much money we need when the fuck are we going just shit like that so im going to start on that but i feel like as the months go by im goign to start getting more and more busy with that especially the days before we leave but i dont need to worry bout that right now so thats it i guess o yeah my business with chuck is being added on to if you want details ask but im not posting them here and we are starting it tomorrow |
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| 01:12am 21/03/2004 |
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wow for the first time in several months i have absolutely nothing to do i sat @ home all day and will do the same fucking thing tomorrow its fucking boring as hell and my mom said something about fixing her car but its doing some panel work like removing it and realigning it and for as good as i am right now im not confident in working on panels and im a fraid illo fuck it up plus i have a dead line of fucking wed. or she was going to do something but i forget so i guess it wsnt too serious so o well yeah i was bored so i updated and i have nothing else to say except being at home is really boring and makes me think about crappy ass shit that i cant change so now since im still not tired im going to go play castlevania for ps2 kick ass game |
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| 11:04am 19/03/2004 |
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sorry batteries in camera dead ill post those pics soon |
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| 10:58am 19/03/2004 |
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ok so im at home @ 11 am. and why am i home well ill tell you cuz we had this fucking butch ass cunt as a sub for my speech class and im not allowed to wear my jacket in class so me and her argue for like 5 min then she finally kicks me out and tells me to go to the office so what do i do i leave and come home what the fuck is she thinking she knows im a fucking junior cuz its a junior senior class so she should know i drive and by the way i look with a bihawk and looking all fucked up she should damn well know i wont go to the fucking office what a dumb slut but hey i get like a hour and 45 min off of school before i have to go to fifth and 6th which are at a completely different school so its all cool and tonight is texas hold em night oh man fun times and i think im going to start helping my uncle this weekend on fixing his car but heres what will happen now im gonna end this entry and the next one will be right behind it with a a couple pics of my bihawk for those who have not seen it o yeah i cut it myself |
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| the show |
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| 12:40pm 06/03/2004 |
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ok so the show last night was pretty good not the best we got there at the end of some shitty band's set and then the briggs came on pretty damn good band heard some bad shit bout them but i thought they were pretty good then a global threat came on and fucking rocked out man that was the best shit and then the casualties and to that i have only one thing to say I FUCKING HATE THE CASUALTIES when i saw them last time they put on a damn good shwo but now they are all preaching nonviolence and all this other bullshit and fucking showing off to these damn parents there which i counted 10 of which is fucked up ive never seen parents at shows till last night fuck that and they had the whole fucking back area gated off a new first for shows ive been to man it was bullshit ok then we left and went to hugh's house played some texas hold em fun fucking game i went in there with no money borrowed 2$ from chuck and walked out of there with 11.25$ but we didnt get out of there until fucking 6 am long ass night but it sure didnt feel like it and thats all
This week's words of wisdom: when drinking with a guy that can bench 375 lbs. never tell stories about fighting while standing or sitting next to them. They will fuck you up. |
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| 04:14pm 01/03/2004 |
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mood:  weird music: chaotic dischord- never trust a friend
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ok i think its time to recap the weekend so here we go:
Friday- went and saw the unseen and the virus fucking kick ass bands had a good time you know just kicked it went in the pit for a while o yeah and these fucking skinhead assholes were fucking ripping on chuck cuz he had an anti-swazi patch on so we were going to beat the shit out of them but we didnt i mean i was ready to go man i was in a fighting mood but he wasnt and i couldnt just run off and beat the shit out of them myself plus he was my way home and you cant fight during a show youll get kicked out so it would have to be after
Saturday- chilled @ home most of the day and me and carol decided that we are going to start growing shrooms and selling so you want any let me know ill hook it up then i hung out with nicole cool person o yeah she told me to write something good about her so here it goes NICOLE IS THE BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD I FUCKING LOVE HER im not good at that kinda stuff so itll have to do but yeah seriously shes fucking cool
Sunday- sat at home and did absolutely nothing all day it was fun
ok now onto a subject that just popped in my mind today I FUCKING HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY THEY ARE GOING TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING AND DONT OR EVEN WORSE WHEN THEY GET THE THING FOR YOU BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN DONT WANT TO GIVE IT TO YOU FOR SOME FUCKED UP REASON yeah i dont know why i thought of that well i do but im too damn nice to go to the person and be like what the hell im just hoping theyll get the hint yeah so thats it for right now
o yeah heres a segment im going to start for everytime i update. this weeks words of wisdom: its not so bad being alone, not the best but not bad relationships are a huge let down and fucking around outside of relationships is disaster. so play it cool and wait for a person to come around that is right for you but dont jump into any kind of relationship with doubts. so those are my words of wisdom take it how you want to. |
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| 02:07pm 16/02/2004 |
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ok ive been meaning to throw this up here so here you go
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| 01:08am 15/02/2004 |
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ok so today i really didnt feel like chilling so i came down to ohio which is where i sit right now @ 1 am ill be here tomorrow too so any ohio people wanna chill just give the cell a ring or if you dont know the # then i dont know what to tell you leave a comment and if i get it before i take off then well chill |
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| 11:58pm 13/02/2004 |
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ok so im sitting at chucks house fucked up and it hits me again IM ALL FUCKING ALONE i know its better to be alone than in a relationship well fuck that i like knowing that someone is there for me and the horrible feeling of being alone gets worse everytime i hang out with chuck cuz now he has a gf and i dont but i cant just stop hanging out with him i mean fuck hes my best friend well really my only true friend at this point (well besides edith but shes in nyc doesnt help too much) and its not that i dont like anyone but heres the thing they are either hung up on some asshole, other people dont want me to have anything to do with them, or the one i want the most thinks i dont give a fuck bout her and shes a waste of my time or some bullshit like that so i guess im destined to be alone which fucking sucks ass all i want is someone to be intimate with someone i can trust and will show affection for me and listen to all my fucking bullshit (which i have a ton of bullshit, hey i like to bitch) and tomorrow will be the fcking worse cuz not only will everyone be with their fucking significant other and shving it in my face but i dont even have anyone to chill with ive asked everyone to chill with me and either get a response like o i have plans or i dont know whats going on but ill get back to you and i know what ill get back to you means it fucking means no im not dumb just come right out and say fuck you im not chilling with you ok enough bout relationships heres my day went to school then out to chucks and to his friends kyles chilled for a little bit played some fooseball got fucked up then played cards and got pissed of by soem asshole who just had to rip on every little thing i said then started thinking bout shit i mentioned above now im home and in a crappy mood fucking wonderful well hopefully tomorrow will be better and one of the many people who said i dont know whats going on will call me and say yeah lets chill itll be fun but i doubt it so im going to just not get my hopes up and be negative |
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| 02:18pm 10/02/2004 |
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ive decided as most of you know that im going to start building a hot rod and it starst today well technically tomorrow but im buying a car from this kid in my auto body class for 75$ and everythign is fine except for the body and trans but those i dont care about so tomorrow im bringing homw this peice of shit car and completely stripping it down to nothing but the underbody and engine then im going custom make everything else for it well thats it anyone wanna help you are more than welcome to just let me know and ill find something for you to do no i wont pay you all youll get is the privelage to say you helped build a pimp ass ride |
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| 10:59pm 07/02/2004 |
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ok to clear this up believe me or not i never said anything about anything to anyone's father i have no idea where this came from but i talked to the "father" the day of my party but just said the person in question was not with me and i had no idea where they were that was all that was said and then some how other people parents got involved of whom i do not talk to and then some other bitch i dont even like starts saying that i said some things to the dad and its all a bunch of bullshit and heres why i dont like the person in question great person and friend but nothing else 2) talking to people's parents scare the hell out of me 3) supposedly i said i was trying to hook up with the person since 6th grade that cant happen i didnt know her in 6th grade and lastly i hate drama so why would i say shit that i know would bring up drama? so believe me or not i dont give a fuck cuz if you choose not to believe me then you dont trust me and if you dont trust me youre not my fucking friend anyways so i could give 2 shits bout you but i needed to clear things up for my benefit you know the whole self gratification thing yeah it helps me not go insane if i do what i want well have a pleasant night im off for awhile |
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| 12:10pm 28/12/2003 |
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CONFLICT coming to my little town of detroit no way im fucking missing that c'mon its fucking conflict no one in their right mind would miss that fucking show and haha EDith i get to see them this is really fucking unblievable crazy shit i owuld tell you all the date and location but i figure ill be an asshole and make you find out for yerselves cuz i had to well actually now that i think of it its on monday january 12th which means most of the people who read this wont be able to make it but i willi would cut off my fucking arm to see them and unlike these shitty huge shows that have been occuring lately no one really knows who conflict is and the ones who do buy tickets at the door so i wont have to worry about it selling out haha im fucking pumped even though its like 15 days awau but still its CONFLICT |
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leftover_victim's journal